Feb 12, 20217 min read

How to Fill the Hole of Negativity

Updated: Oct 28

From Series: What's your Story?

A negative mindset will never give you a positive life.

Negativity can become a barrier that prevents you from living a fulfilled life and why it's important to recognize the power of your thoughts and how they shape your reality.

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How you think determines the way your life will be

The hole of negativity was dug so deep, it was only when I got out, did I realize how deep I’d fallen. It wasn't until I climbed out of the deep pit of negativity that I truly understood the extent of my fall.

I used to watch other families and wish mine was like theirs. I would enjoy watching the interaction with the parents and their kids. It looked so fun, warm, and happy.

As I watched I wondered how differently my life would be if I had a different upbringing. I watched those families trying to find the secret to their happiness.

Tough childhood

Growing up in my household, negativity was the order of the day, customary and normal. So normal, that it was only when I got out of it, did I realize how abnormal it was.

While this may be the reality for many of us, it is important to remember that living in a chaotic environment should never be considered normal.

Unaware at the time, my surroundings were causing me to feel anxious and stressed. Reflecting on it now, I realize that these emotions cause me to miss so many wonderful experiences.

I was trapped in a negative mindset that hindered me from not only enjoying life, but from having a life.

I brought this behavior into all my relationships, even the one I have with God. It was destructive and toxic as I created victims because of my actions. I was unaware that what is in you does come out (Matthew 15:18; Luke 6:45; Proverbs 4:23).

For many years, I was stuck in this mindset, but once I realized this, I felt happy as I found the solution to my problems. Being trapped for many years and then breaking free from it was a joyful moment.

God showed me how I approached every opportunity with suspicion, doubt, fear, or criticism. And how I would always see the glass half empty—never half full.

My negative approach to things, situations, and people caused loneliness, few friends, and few healthy relationships. I even ended up losing the valuable relationships I had.

I needed to see the hole of negativity I had fallen into before I was able to better understand the hole I was trapped in.

And more importantly, to avoid making things worse.

When you are in something, you are blinded from seeing the entire scene. You can only see the surroundings you are in, but you are not able to see what’s on the outside.

For example, if you’re in a building and never go outside, you are not able to see, feel, smell, or experience the environment outside the building. Your perspective is limited to what is immediately around you. It is only upon stepping outside that you appreciate the beauty of the sky, the freshness of the air, and the brightness of the sun.

This negative hole that was mentally dug dictated and directed the course of my life and became the driving force behind the decisions I made.

I needed to be free.

Could you be where you are in life today because of your mindset? What you think and say will either free you from what you want to get out of, or it will punish you by keeping you in that condition or worse.

My negative mindset brought depression, dependencies, addictions, shame, and loss of dignity. Nothing good came out of being in this hole.

It was during a moment of sudden insight that made me celebrate knowing that the next years of my life would be free of negative thoughts. Free from complaining, judging, criticizing, and never seeing the good in myself or people. Free from perfectionism and learning to go with the flow instead of wanting to be in control, and to stop putting unrealistic expectations on myself and others.

My relationship with God has brought me out of the hole of negativity into freedom, and God did this by using a simple statement that I read: "The best piece of advice I got from my father was to keep eating, try new things and be playful." — Sursur Lee

Reading his post made me consider how impressive and positive this chef's father must have been. I sensed the happiness in his voice as he looked back on how supportive his father was and the effect it had on their relationship.

I wondered how many other positive words he must have heard growing up to help him to become the renowned chef he is today.

This is when the Lord spoke within and let me know that my life could be just as exciting if I learn to let go of negativity. Let go of my negative past and upbringing and look forward to the wonder life He has waiting for me.

Instantly, I saw the hole I was coming out of. I could visualize it.

As I saw myself being released from this hole, tears of joy streamed down my face. I started to reflect on how negative I am about myself, and how this was the reason I could not have the life I wanted.

It started to dawn on me that I was repeating what I saw and experienced growing up.

You may not have supporters, encouragers, people that want the best for you in life, or a healthy childhood, but that's ok because you have a friend name Jesus who cares, supports, and encourages you (John 15:13,15).

"Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you"

—Peter 5:7 (NIV)

Being negative is a trap

Falling into negativity is dangerous because your outlook and mood affects your frame of mind which influences your attitude and behavior.

When we allow ourselves to dwell in negative thoughts and emotions, it can cloud our judgment and hinder our ability to see things clearly. This distorted perspective can lead to a downward spiral where we become trapped in a cycle of pessimism.

Our outlook on life plays a crucial role in shaping our experiences and interactions with others. So when we approach situations or people with a negative mindset, we are more likely to interpret events in a negative light. This can create a self-fulfilling prophecy where our negative expectations become reality.

Our mood not only affects our internal state but also radiates outward, influencing the way we interact with the world around us.

Negative emotions can be contagious, spreading to those around us and impacting our relationships. This can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.

So, by recognizing the dangers of falling into negativity, we can take proactive steps to cultivate a more positive mindset.

Athletes know this first-hand

Athletes understand the way they approach a game will determine how well they play or perform. It's the same with our lives. The way we approach life will determine the outcome.

Athletes know the importance of resilience and adaptability in the face of challenges. Similarly, in life, we must prepare ourselves to face obstacles and setbacks.

Also, Just as athletes rely on teamwork and support from coaches and teammates, we too can rely on our relationship with God the Holy Spirit for help and guidance.

Joy lives in every believer

The full measure of your joy comes from your relationship with Jesus. People and things can bring you moments of happiness, but to get the full amount, the all-inclusive, not lacking, and complete type of joy, comes from Jesus Christ (John 17:13).

The highest level of joy a person can feel is the joy that comes from God. God's joy is the utmost form of joy that you will ever encounter. It may be difficult to describe at times, but it will calm your troubled soul.

God is inherently joyful. Joy is an integral part of His being, character, and essence. When you welcome Him into your heart, His joy becomes a part of you.

You won't have to seek joy elsewhere or take any additional actions because the joy of God is all you will ever need!

In one moment of communion with God, my whole life perspective changed. And your life will also transform by just one moment of communion with Him.

I now know that with the joy that comes from God, all things work together for those that love Him (Romans 8:28). It’s knowing that whatever you are destined to do will occur and whatever you ask from Him will happen. This truth was the power that I needed to overcome.

"Joy is a mindset that refuses to accept thoughts, voices, or ideas that want to steal your happiness."

Although I didn't have the family upbringing I wanted, I have the power to build the one I desire. Your life's beginning doesn't determine its end. The way your life starts does not have to be the way your life ends.

Through God's intervention, unpleasant life experiences can be transformed into positive outcomes.

I understand the damage of speaking negative words or statements to a child because I experienced it and because of this I will be someone who supports and corrects with love, and allow God to show me the best way on how to make a positive impact and break the cycle of negativity.

The stories we share serve as evidence of the power of God. We can argue with theology, but we cannot argue with someone's testimony.

What's your Story?

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A call for salvation

When you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you and Him become one, which is one of the greatest blessings of salvation. To be saved, publicly acknowledge Jesus as Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead (Romans 10:9). After this step, pray for guidance to find a ministry where you can grow spiritually, gain knowledge about the kingdom, and begin living the abundant life promised by Jesus.