Avoid settling due to the fear of missing out, peer pressure, or limited time.
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“You’re too picky. Your standards are too high. What you want can only happen in your mind.” Have you heard this before?
Some people, including friends and family, have settled in their lives and now regret the choices they made. Whatever influenced their decisions has led them to believe they cannot be with the person they truly want, and they are now projecting these emotions onto you (Psalm 37:4).
But when you're not with the person God wants you to be with, then you're settling for less.
Accepting less than what God has planned for you can lead to regret and feelings of dissatisfaction, as you might find yourself wanting more or wishing to move on.
When you build a relationship with God, you will understand the standard of living available to you. You can then use it as a comparison or benchmark to assess whether what is presented to you is right for you or not. This will help you in avoiding settling not only in relationships but also in life.
We must fill our minds with the truth about ourselves from the parts of Scripture that tell us who we are in Christ because when you do not know your worth, you will settle.
What being single teaches about settling
One of the most significant lessons that being single imparts is the understanding of what it truly means to settle in a relationship. When you are on your own, away from the distractions and complexities of being in a relationship, you have the opportunity to reflect and know who is right for you.
Settling in a relationship usually means compromising personal standards, desires, and aspirations to have a partner, even if they don't completely match one's ideal vision of love and companionship. This can result from various factors, such as fear of loneliness, societal pressures, or a desire for stability.
When people settle, they might end up in a relationship that doesn't meet their needs. This can lead to dissatisfaction and unfulfillment, as the initial excitement and enthusiasm slowly diminish, giving way to a sense of resentment.
It's important to understand that settling doesn't just apply to romantic relationships; it can also involve friendships and family relationships where one person feels they are contributing more than they are getting in return, or they feel they no longer share common ground with their friend.
The journey toward finding a meaningful partnership should be rooted in authenticity and mutual fulfillment, rather than a mere acceptance of the status quo.
Also, being single allows you to learn from others' experiences, helping you identify potential warning signs and understand what to avoid.
You gain insight into what matters in a relationship by observing the challenges and mistakes in the relationships of friends, family, and even strangers.
Additionally, the experience of being single can teach you the importance of patience and timing in love.
Many people rush into relationships, driven by a desire for companionship, peer pressure, or the fear of missing out. However, being single allows you to appreciate the beauty of waiting for the right person.
Waiting might not just involve you waiting for someone; it could also be God preparing us for the best that is yet to come.
Benefits of waiting
Waiting on God alleviates worry because you will still receive what God has promised. Waiting does not change the outcome of your life. It doesn’t worsen the situation; instead, it improves it. Your waiting is not in vain; God is enriching your life.
At first your waiting season may seem like you’re wasting your time or as if you’re missing opportunities. But, you are exactly where God wants and needs you to be.
Missing out
Some people rush into relationships because of the fear of missing out. However, the pressure to be in a relationship can overshadow the importance of personal growth, which is needed for building healthy, lasting connections. Also, rushing into a relationship can often result in overlooking red flags or settling for someone who may not be the best match.
The desire to avoid the discomfort of being single can cloud judgment, leading individuals to prioritize the idea of being in a relationship over the quality of the relationship itself.
Ultimately, the fear of missing out can transform the pursuit of love into a frantic race, instead of waiting for the perfect union.
Peer Pressure
Your life is unique, and trying to mimic others can lead you into relationships that don't line up with your desires, pursuits and purpose. Conforming to societal expectations can divert you from your true path. And acting based on someone else's opinion can result in dissatisfaction and setbacks.
Worrying about others' views on your relationship status can be detrimental. Who says that you must be married with children by a certain age? Maybe marriage isn't meant for you at the moment—or at all.
Advice from others may not align with your life's plan, and it often reflects the person who's giving the advice's own experiences. People might think they know what's best for you by comparing your life to theirs, but our journey in life is unique, and we should follow our own criteria, not other people's opinions.
Be cautious about whose relationship advice you listen to. If it doesn't fit with what you believe is intended for you, disregard it. Don't let judgment or ridicule push you into unhealthy relationships, because pleasing others can hinder your purpose and compromise your identity. It is harmful and will interfere with your well-being and your life assignment.
Time Is Running Out
We should not be making decisions based on cultural norms, and we should not be allowing time to influence our decisions.
Seeing time passing by as a reason to get into a relationship is dangerous. You are not bound by times limitations, and if you make decisions based on time, then you will be like people who are in a relationship with regret.
Listen closely to the disappointment in their voices. They always speak about what they wish they had, never what they have. Somewhere and somehow, conscientiously or subconsciously, they allowed time to influence their decision.
Allowing time or age to influence you to do something to satisfy the status quo or because you are afraid you will not meet someone can cause us to settle.
What if you are not ready? Bringing someone into your world while you are in a shattered state is selfish and unwise.
Some individuals have come to believe that time will leave them perpetually alone. Yet, you can use this single period to strengthen your relationship with God, allowing Him to enrich your life and help you become the person your destined partner would want to be with.
This time and space allows you to eliminate negativity within you, making you more appealing and sought after.
You can focus on self-care without guilt for desiring solitude, and you have the opportunity to spend meaningful time with God, who can transform you into someone others want to connect with.
Spending quality time with God is needed for cultivating healthy relationships with others, making you someone they enjoy being around.
Ultimately, forming connections will be based not on physical appearance but on how you both can add value to each other's lives.
You will lack nothing
If we were to go by the standards of the world and by what we see then we will settle and expect our relationships to be substandard. But if we go by what God says, then we should never lack in our relationships or anything else.
Psalm 34:9-10 says, "Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."
So if we reverence God, then according to what He promised in the Bible, we will "lack no good thing." This promise of lacking no good thing isn't accompanied by a list of specific items; it simply states "no good thing." Therefore, this implies that believers have access to all the good that God offers, leaving us fulfilled, including a relationship.
The word lack means the state of being without or not having enough of something and it means to be deficient in something. However, God says the opposite will be ours when we reverence Him. We will have as much as we need or feel satisfied and content with.
The opposite of deficient, which is part of lack's definition, is excessive, perfect, ideal, without fault, just right, and more. This is how our relationships will be when we honor and revere God in our lives.
So, the next step is to understand what it means to honor God, so you can live a life lacking nothing.
Settling is unnecessary
If you have a relationship with Christ, there is no need to settle because God provides us with the best (Psalm 81:16). Additionally, we are children of the Most High King (John 1:12; 1 John 3:1; Psalm 149:2), and every good and perfect gift we need ,comes from Him (James 1:17).
If we, as humans who can sometimes be wicked, know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more will God give us (Luke 11:13)? God can do exceedingly more than anything we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. — Psalm 100:5
As states before, God does not wish for us to settle in any aspect of our lives, including our relationships (John 10:10).
If your relationships—be they cordial, business, or intimate—are with someone other than whom God has intended for you, then you have settled for less. Only God truly knows who should be in your life, as He is perfect and does not make mistakes, unlike us who can only guess.
If God is perfect, then His choices for us will be perfect as well.
Being single serves as a powerful teacher on the risks of settling in relationships. It can provide you with a better understanding of what you desire and deserve in love, ultimately leading you to a more fulfilling and meaningful romantic experience.
From Series: It's Ok To Be Single
This blog was quoted and inspired by the book: It's Ok To Be Single. You can get more information and a sneak peek of the first two chapters here.
🎙 Or... you can SUBSCRIBE and listen to this series on my YouTube channel playlist named "It's Ok To Be Single."
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